I Miss Her
by Kiva
Summary: I was watching Buffy's season 6 opener, and I got quite depressed when contemplating Dawn. The girl lost her mom, AND her sister. She isn't my fav character, but this is her feelings through the first episode of season 6. I suck at summaries, please read.


Disclaimer; I do not own the characters of Buffy, nor do I lay any type of claim on them.  
  
Notes; I don't know how, but I wrote a DAWN story. I was just watching the first episode of Buffy season 6, and the little minx popped up, demanding I write this. Also, this was written without a Beta reader or a spellchecker [ it's broken ]   
So, any and all mistakes are mine.  
I'd like to know if you liked/disliked this story. It's my first attempt at a proper Buffy fic. Enjoy......  
  
  
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I miss her.   
  
I know she's gone, but..........I miss her.   
Sometimes, I look at the Buffy 'bot..........trying NOT to think of Spike's original purpose for it [ no one thinks I know, but they forget that I can move quietly, and most people don't know I'm around, so I overhear them sometimes.].......and I find myself reacting to it, just as I would Buffy.   
And for a moment, everything is good...........but then I remember.  
  
~~"Be strong. Live........For me."~~  
  
And my world comes crashing down again.  
  
  
  
Now it's 3 am, and I can't sleep. Not an unusual occurance anymore.  
Ever since mom..........left....... I get nights were I can't sleep.  
But I used to go to Buffy. Not every time, just when it was bad.   
Like when we were kids, and I had a nightmare, and she would slay the demon of my dreams for me.  
  
So whenever I had one of those nights that no matter what, I couldn't sleep for thinking about mom, I went to her. She would usually be back from patrolling, and awake, thinking exactly the same things, having the same trouble getting to sleep.  
  
After contemplating my ceiling for what felt like hours, I got out of bed, slowly sliding from beneath the covers and making my way to Buffy's room.  
  
I open the door. Her room is exactly like it was when she was here.  
The first thing I really notice, is the faint beeping. Then the lights and wires, leading from the generator thing to the parts of the 'bot that opened for them, kinda like a computer and all the wirey electronic stuff that it needs to make it work.  
  
Plugging into her like she's some.........no, because she IS some machine.  
  
Willow had gone to great lengths to explain to me about the mechanics of the Buffy 'bot.   
But a lot of it went over my head. That was something my mom used to say. And something weird about the perils of not washing, and growing potatoes........maybe I got that last part wrong.  
  
Anyway, I nodded, said 'yes' and 'no' when called to, but it didn't register. Not a lot DID register during that time.  
  
I had lost Buffy. First mom, and then Buffy.  
  
I tried to stop it at first. Stop the pain. I figured, hey, I'm not real........I'm the Key.   
I wasn't born, I was 'made.'  
  
Buffy wasn't really my sister, and so I shouldn't hurt like this............but no matter how I justified it, I FEEL real.........and so does the pain.  
  
Giles offered to take care of me, but if there's one thing I remember clearly from that time, it's how he was........ he was totally devasted.  
  
I didn't think he could deal with the constant reminders, or the responsibility. It was his worst nightmare. As a Watcher, his Slayer was dead. Only she was so much more to him now.  
  
Plus, there was my dad. If he found out about Buffy being gone, he could take me, at any time. I think that worried me more than anything.   
  
Then Willow and Tara came up with the plan for them to move in with me.  
They knew my dad kept in contact with us once every blue moon [ weird saying......maybe Giles knows what it means ] so we had to come up with a plan to stop him from finding out about Buffy.   
  
When I was feeling a little more 'here,' a part of me felt guilty. I mean, Buffy was his daughter. I wouldn't want news like that to be kept from me.   
But he didn't know Willow and the others.......and there would be no way that I would leave MY only living daughter with a bunch of people I didn't know, even if I had practically ignored her for years.  
  
But maybe I'm giving him too much credit, like Buffy used to say.   
  
She said, that I had a weird way of seeing him. That he had left us, and he let us down all the time, and wasn't worthy of my thoughts. That I was too young to remember. But I do.  
  
I remember the fights, the tears. How through the thin walls, I could hear my mom cry at night. And sometimes, Buffy would too.  
  
It's weird to remember. I mean, my sister, the Slayer. She wasn't really the Slayer at the time of course........well, I don't THINK she was.....she did keep it secret for a while....... but she was always kinda tough. And yet when I found out she risked her life on a regular basis, simply to keep people who would rather live in ignorance and pretend that demons and stuff didn't exsist safe, with no thanks or reward.......I would think back to all the times that I had heard her cry herself to sleep, devastated because her daddy was leaving.   
  
That's when he became 'Dad.' Not daddy. Dad. I don't know if that's significant, but it's always something I noticed. We were both 'daddy's girls,' at least until he left. I didn't want to make dad feel bad for leaving, so I put on a front. Pretended I understood. That I knew why he was tearing my world apart. But I didn't. Neither did Buffy. I was little, they didn't question it. 'My little Dawnie wouldn't lie to me.'   
If only he could see me now.  
  
Wait, where was I? Oh yeah.  
  
My weird way of seeing my father.  
  
She always pretended she wasn't bothered by him letting us down. She didn't make excuses.......she just didn't talk about it. Acted like it didn't affect her. But after Riley left.......and mom died......she started getting really angry at him, especially when he didn't turn up for mom's funeral. And it made me a little mad as well. I know he has his own life.......at least that's what I tell myself when he misses my or Buffy's birthday.........but mom DIED. My mother died. And he wasn't here.  
  
Oh, he phoned. But he didn't visit. We're his children, and he didn't even ---  
  
No. I have to stop this. When I start thinking like this, it just leads me round in circles, on and on. And I get nights like this. Were I can't sleep. Maybe, I'm like Buffy now. Old enough to know the difference between 'I was busy doing something really important, sorry I missed it,' and 'I was busy doing nothing really, but I'm not bothered with you anymore.'  
  
I don't know which my dad is. And I tried the whole 'I'm the Key, I'm not real, it doesn't hurt thing' with that, too.  
  
But it didn't work. I FEEL like I was there. Like I grew up with Buffy. His leaving hurt me too.  
But not as much as Buffy's leaving did.   
  
I miss her.  
  
Being here, in her room, it kinda helps. I know, deep inside that the figure in her bed isn't her.  
But I can pretend.........can't I?   
  
Just for a few hours.   
  
Pretend that Buffy's here, and that it was all a horrible nightmare, and that I don't miss her............because she isn't gone. Just for a few hours.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
  
  
'She's cold.'   
  
That's my first thought.   
  
I realise through the foggy haze of sleep [ hey, those books ARE good for something]  
that I'm lying next to something. Something solid and.......beeping?   
  
I remember ......going into Buffy's room. She's always complaining that I hog the covers. My brain isn't functioning properly yet, and when I realise the flesh that I'm touching is uncovered, and cool to the touch, I snuggle in deeper to share my body heat, pulling the blanket around us a little tighter.   
  
And then it hits me.  
  
~~"Be strong. Live........For me."~~  
  
I miss her.   
  
  
  
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End file.
